The Coburn Blog

I don’t know if I ever mentioned this or not.. Sometimes, I tend to babble at things, that I forget I mentioned in the past.. Sometimes I wonder if I truely do have Ryans short-term memory loss thing, because I can remember things for long periods of time, but I forget what I talk about just 10 minutes ago sometimes. They thought it was Epilepsy for awhile I think, but I don’t think its that, because I don’t really have blackout spells, its more like, I forget what I have said just a few minutes ago, or a person will move on to another subject while I’m still on the last subject, again forgetting what was said previously, weird eh?

Anyway, my Mobility instructor mentioned something interesting that I wanted to share, since I was never aware of this until now, not really anyway.

In school, I always had such a hard time making friends, and even the teachers didn’t understand how to teach me things.. My mobility instructor asked me if I was carrying a caine with me at that time? I said “no” and she was telling me, that is probably why I had such a hard time… I told her about the time I was in the library and couldn’t find a place to sit, so I ran out of the library crying because noone would help me.. She was saying, thats where I caine comes in really handy, not so much for me to find my way, but for other people.. She explains, that a caine also acts as an Identification device, to family, friends, as well as strangers. Its an Identification device that tells people “this person is blind, or legally blind”, and as she was explaining that to me, I told her, it was my eye doctor who always said I shouldn’t wear any device that makes me stand out, look different, etc

but ya know something, sometimes its good to look different.. When I carry my caine with me, it shows to people that I do have a vision problem, that I’m not just some stupid kid… I know kids make fun of one another no matter what, and a caine would have just been something they would have made fun of me about anyway, but even kids know what a white caine means, maybe not real little kids, but teenagers and above know what a white caine means.. it means caution, that person is blind or visually impaired, so either that person needs help, and you should offer to help that person, or stay out of the way and smile, its up to you, but at least that white caine shows to people that you do have a vision problem, so they know how to react to you.

When I carry my caine around a busy grocery store, sometimes people help me find things I’m trying to look for.. Other times, they move out of my way so I don’t accidentally run into them, which may not happen, but still might be a good idea in some situations, so its really a good identification tool, esp when I’m by myself in a grocery store, or any public place really, where someone I know isn’t around to tell them I have a vision problem and to watch out. Its my perfect identification tool.. hehe because otherwise, if I don’t, people get really mad, and think I’m just being rude or inconsiderate, they can’t tell I am blind without it, so it really helps me identify to other people without me having to say something to everybody that walks by. hehe and people at Walmart walk up to me, and talk to me about it, its pretty cool, because I had a teenager approach me one time and asked me once if I needed any help finding a certain type of meat I was looking for. I didn’t need his help at the time, but it was nice to be asked, and it strikes up a conversation that could have made me a friend that I wouldn’t have made otherwise, so it really comes in handy for alot of different things.

I think most of my problems growing up, had more to do with other people not knowing how to react to me. They didn’t know what to say to me, and I didn’t know how to explain to them what I can and cannot see either, because odviously, I’ve been almost blind my whole life, so I don’t know what a person with 20/20 sees, so something that alot of people don’t really think about, is I’m just as confused as they are, because I don’t know what having 20/20 is like, or 20/40 or 20/60, I don’t know what having that good of vision is like, but I think if other people would talk more, and ask what they don’t understand, then maybe between the two of us we could figure out how to explain it best.

What I can say though, is besides my vision appearing like I’m looking thru a thin straw, there are some aspect of my lack of sight that I myself am not even aware of.. For instance, as my sight worsens, I am starting to realize, that my vision has always been blury, but to me it doesn’t look blury, its kinda like trying to see on a foggy day, thats kinda what my vision is like, can’t see things until yer right on top of ‘em, but see, explaining that to other people is so difficult for me, because I don’t understand what they see either, so usually strangers and I just don’t say anything to eachother.

but a caine, shows to other people, without me having to say anything, that I am blind or visually impaired, and honestly, thats all they really need to know.. If they wanted to get to know me on a more personal level, they can always ask me questions, I’ve been this way my whole life so I encourage people to ask me, and talk to me, about it, but most people don’t.. I don’t know if other people think I’d be too sensitive talking about it, or if other people are just uncomfortable talking about it, I don’t know, but I do know, when a person has had a visual or physical handicap their entire lives, that person does not feel sensitive talking about it. They usually feel proud of who they are.. I know myself I feel special, like God made me this way for a reason, and its my responsibility to learn how to function in life “by myself” without other peoples assistance living an everyday life.

I like it, for instance, when other people approach me and ask me if I want to go sighted guide with them, or, like my brother did at his wedding and asked me if I wanted some pizza with him and the guys.. It made me feel good that my brother cared enough about me to at least ask, even though he knew I couldn’t have pizza on my diet, just going up and asking makes all the difference in the world sometimes. Shows that you care, ya know what I mean?.. and he may have just forgotten, and thats ok, but just asking, shows compassion, in itself most times. Asking knowing that they can’t, is probably more compassionate then anything a person could do for eachother.

and besides, there may be times where I will suprise them and say “yes”. ya know? Just because I’m visually impaired, doesn’t mean I’m helpless either. For instance, I’ve never been able to see peoples faces. I’ve never been able to see eye color, facial features. A woman could stand right in front of me totally naked from the neck down, and I wouldn’t be able to tell, esp at a small distance, if that person was even naked at all, or not, thats how bad my vision is, but, I still have use of my hearing, my sense of smell, and my brain. Usually how I tell people apart from one another, is usually by the sound of their voice, or the color and style of their hair.. WIth guys thats pretty easy to do since guys don’t change their hair color or style that often, but for women, its more difficult, because women are always changing their hair color, style, so on and so forth.. I know my cousin jennifer for instance, every time I see her she looks like a different person to me, because I can’t see her face, but what I do see are the things she usually changes every time I see her, so sometimes I don’t know its her at first, esp if its in a crowd of people, but like, when we were over at my uncle kurts I knew it was her then, because I could then hear the sound of her voice, and I can always recognize the sound of her voice no matter how long its been since I’ve seen her. and thats just how I am with everyone. Everyone has a unique sound to their voice, or they wear a certain perfume or cologne that I always recognize, or something to that effect, hehe, but I do let people tell me “its jennifer” for instance, even though I know who the person is, to make the person feel better ya know, otherwise, they would think I can see them when I really can’t, so usually I just humor people in those cases, but thats why a caine helps me so much my instructor was saying, because for other people to see it may be embarrassing, but for me, its my identification tool so I don’t have to mention that bad word that most people avoid talking about to begin with.

So, my instructor convinced me, to carry my caine wherever I go, rather I need it to get around that area I’m in, or not. Tthats just for areas I’m not familiar with.. Around my house, my moms or dads house, I don’t need my caine in those areas, because they know I am blind, and I know my surroundings well enough to move around without it regardless how much or little vision I got. Its mainly for in public, to use as an identification tool, to help me get around unfamiliar areas so I don’t hurt myself or anyone else…

So, I’ve began to start learning how to use one.. My instructor says I don’t have the right size, so she ordered me a 57 inch caine that hasn’t come in the mail yet, but should here before too long. In the meantime, she’s been teaching me how to use my old one, which will work for now until they get me another one that will work better.. I guess a caine has to be a certain height, has to come up right in the middle of your chest around the armpits, which I never knew before, so she said my 52 incher is too short for me, and she’s been showing me why.. If the caine is too short, I could miss potholes in the road, or steps and things, and if its too long it can hurt other people, so getting the right size is important apparently, with white reflective tape so it easy for other people to see and all that. I just figure, whatever, hehe,

but I stil want one of those collapseable canes that DareDevil had in the Incredible Hulk TV Show. Those are cool, but my instructor won’t get me one because she says there too flimsy and don’t last very long.. I told her I says, I don’t care, I want one anyway, for the “coolness” factor. hehe :)  so I gotta find an extra $20 somewhere so I can get me one of those.. hehe